{"id":1759,"date":"2025-07-23T16:34:31","date_gmt":"2025-07-23T16:34:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/?p=1759"},"modified":"2025-07-24T14:57:12","modified_gmt":"2025-07-24T14:57:12","slug":"as-a-latina-bride-i-had-to-unlearn-what-marriage-should-look-like","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/2025\/07\/23\/as-a-latina-bride-i-had-to-unlearn-what-marriage-should-look-like\/","title":{"rendered":"As a Latina Bride, I Had to Unlearn What Marriage Should Look Like"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Getting married<\/a> was never part of my vision board. I was busy carving out a life of solo flights<\/a>, financial autonomy, and career success. When my fianc\u00e9 and I decided to say \u201cI do,\u201d it wasn\u2019t driven by the need to check another box on life\u2019s to-do list. It was because I had found someone whose ambitions matched my own, someone who saw partnership not as surrender, but as two full lives coming together.\u00a0<\/p>\n

A recent study<\/a> even quantifies what many of us already know: Latinas are more likely than any other demographic in the U.S. to feel bound by traditional gender roles in marriage<\/a>, \u201cbe beautiful, do housework, and start a family.\u201d Yet here I am \u2014 a newly engaged Boricua woman \u2014 poised to say \u201cyes\u201d on my own terms.<\/p>\n

Growing up, media portrayed getting married as the ultimate goal, a finish line stamped with a gorgeous white lace dress and endless florals. Every coming-of-age movie seemed to suggest that I, too, should dream of my wedding day first and my career second. But I never felt that pressure from my family. The focus was always to be a fully independent woman, all by myself and for myself, so I chased other markers of success: stamps in my passport, launching my own business, and buying my first property. The idea of spending thousands on just one night struck me as frivolous when my time, and money, were devoted to my ambitions.<\/p>\n

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\u201cThe focus was always to be a fully independent woman, all by myself and for myself, so I chased other markers of success: stamps in my passport, launching my own business, and buying my first property.\u201d<\/p>\n

victoria leandra<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

Marriage hadn\u2019t been on my planner until I looked at the man beside me and thought, \u201cWith the right person, this is something I could see for myself.\u201d It was then that I realized marriage was not a performance of sacrifice or obedience. It could be a partnership of equals, a mutual commitment that honors each person\u2019s identity.<\/p>\n

As a travel journalist<\/a> and content creator who genuinely loves to travel, but also makes a living doing so, one of the earliest misconceptions I confronted was the idea that a married woman needs permission to travel. Friends and relatives asked, \u201cDoes he let you go alone?\u201d as if I required his \u201cokay\u201d to live my life. In truth, he\u2019s often on the road for work, and I wouldn\u2019t dream of micromanaging his itinerary, either. We plan to run our household on communication, not on permissions. We are two autonomous individuals who choose to explore \u2014 together or solo \u2014 without sacrificing our independence. I like to think traveling apart also allows us to miss one another.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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\u201cMarriage hadn\u2019t been on my planner until I looked at the man beside me and thought, \u2018With the right person, this is something I could see for myself.’\u201d<\/p>\n

victoria leandra<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

Another expectation I grappled with was the automatic name change<\/a>. \u201cI\u2019m not changing my name,\u201d I told him. And then I suggested something even more radical: \u201cwhy not invent a new last name that belongs to both of us?\u201d Even that tiny question felt explosive, a declaration that this marriage belongs to us, and not to the lineage we inherit or the patriarchy.\u00a0<\/p>\n

In Latine households, women typically cook and take care of the kids while men provide. Yet in our home, chores flow organically. We both cook, we both clean, and we both do laundry. We don\u2019t default to gendered roles for the sake of following tradition. Instead, we honor each other\u2019s strengths.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Weddings can feel like joining a vast family network, where you\u2019re not only uniting with a partner but also becoming part of an entire lineage. But I want to start \u201cour\u201d family, one that plays by our own \u201cmarriage rules,\u201d like choosing where we want to spend the holidays as opposed to defaulting to a particular home. Yes, we cherish our families, but we also set boundaries and prioritize our nuclear partnership when we need to.<\/p>\n

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\u201cIn Latine households, women typically cook and take care of the kids while men provide. Yet in our home, chores flow organically. We both cook, we both clean, and we both do laundry. We don\u2019t default to gendered roles for the sake of following tradition. Instead, we honor each other\u2019s strengths.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

victoria leandra<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

The moment a wedding date is whispered, so too is \u201c\u00bfY el beb\u00e9, pa\u2019 cu\u00e1ndo?<\/a>\u201d \u2014 the assumption that marriage comes hand-in-hand with parenthood. But I refuse to let that question define my timeline. When asked, I smile and say, \u201cNot now, maybe later.\u201d But I\u2019ve also said: \u201cAre you helping support them?\u201d It\u2019s not news that the majority of the upbringing labor, both physical and emotional, falls on the mother.\u00a0<\/p>\n

From money conversations to career changes, we\u2019ve asked ourselves every uncomfortable question under the sun: \u201cWho pays the bills?\u201d \u201cWho handles the investments?\u201d \u201cWhat if one of us wants to move abroad?\u201d By debating these topics, we stripped away the shame around money and power dynamics. Money is not a tool of control but a shared resource that empowers us both. <\/strong>We made decisions together, as equals who respect each other\u2019s contributions.<\/p>\n

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\u201cAs a Latina, I honor my heritage and the traditions that shaped me, but I also choose which parts of that legacy to carry forward. Marriage is not a script I must follow; it is a story we co-write. \u201c<\/p>\n

victoria leandra<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

In many Latine communities, weddings are grand productions, a way to showcase social standing and family pride. But the size of our guest list or the opulence of our d\u00e9cor is not a measure of our love. Our destination wedding will be a party for our people, not a status symbol for onlookers.<\/p>\n

Finally, I\u2019ve heard countless stories of latent resentment when a wife\u2019s dreams were put on hold in service of her marriage or kids. Long before having kids, I\u2019ve already discussed how we can ensure I don\u2019t feel this way if or when the time comes. I have not softened my edges or dimmed my aspirations porque calladita no soy m\u00e1s bonita. For me, marriage should uplift and celebrate our identity rather than erase it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

As a Latina, I honor my heritage and the traditions that shaped me, but I also choose which parts of that legacy to carry forward. Marriage is not a script I must follow; it is a story we co-write. And so I choose. I choose love on my terms, partnership on our terms, and life on our terms. That is what it means to redefine marriage as a Latina today.<\/p>\n

Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Getting married was never part of my vision board. I was busy carving out a life of solo flights, financial autonomy, and career success. When my fianc\u00e9 and I decided to say \u201cI do,\u201d it wasn\u2019t driven by the need to check another box on life\u2019s to-do list. It was because I had found someone…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1761,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1759"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1759"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1759\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1764,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1759\/revisions\/1764"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1761"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1759"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1759"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1759"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}