{"id":5058,"date":"2026-02-25T16:42:52","date_gmt":"2026-02-25T17:42:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/?p=5058"},"modified":"2026-02-26T15:01:21","modified_gmt":"2026-02-26T15:01:21","slug":"dating-as-a-trans-latina-means-navigating-men-who-dont-believe-i-should-exist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/2026\/02\/25\/dating-as-a-trans-latina-means-navigating-men-who-dont-believe-i-should-exist\/","title":{"rendered":"Dating as a Trans Latina Means Navigating Men Who Don\u2019t Believe I Should Exist"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

Hearing about your friends\u2019 dating lives<\/a> can be juicy and exciting, whether you\u2019re a teenager in your first blush of romance or a grown woman reminding your group chat about what they deserve. It can also be heartbreaking, discouraging \u2014 and particularly if you\u2019re a Latina who lives at several intersections of identity \u2014 terrifying.\u00a0<\/p>\n

That\u2019s how I felt in 2002, when at the age of 16, I had just learned about the brutal murder of a 17-year-old trans Latina<\/a> named Gwen Araujo<\/a>. Reading the gruesome details of how young cis men with whom she\u2019d been sexually active with killed her because she was trans shook me to my core forever. I often imagined her fate would inevitably be my future \u2014 that not only being a Boricua, not only being a woman, but also being a trans woman would prove itself to be perilous as I navigated the still-new-to-me world of dating and the cisgender men who populate it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Why would I put myself out there when the stakes are so high? But then again, wouldn\u2019t you do the same in the effort to find the love you\u2019ve always felt you deserved?<\/p>\n

\n
\n

\u201cDating while trans and Latina comes with unique and often systemically violent challenges.\u201d<\/p>\n

ANGELICA CHRISTINA<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

Multiple studies have found that online dating is statistically worse for women of color<\/a>. And dating while trans and Latina comes with unique and often systemically violent challenges. The stereotypes abound: that we\u2019re all sex workers; that we\u2019re little more than a fetish for closeted, cisgender men; that we\u2019re not seeking love or partnership, or, just as hurtful, that we\u2019re not worth it. I\u2019ve downloaded dating apps<\/a> with a full heart and hope that I could find love in a truly hopeless place, but cisgender men have taken it upon themselves to degrade and demoralize me at every turn. Rather than offering me a simple, \u201cHello, how are you?\u201d I\u2019m often met with, \u201cHow much?\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n

\n
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

When putting myself out there in the dating pool, I run the constant risk of exposing myself to prejudice (such as being labeled the \u201cspicy\u201d Latina), misogyny, and transmisia that runs rampant on dating apps. I\u2019m also put in direct contact with cis men who have historically voted my rights away, strip me of my bodily autonomy, and align themselves with hateful ideologies while simultaneously seeking to take advantage of my body for their pleasure. It\u2019s daunting and exhaustive, to put it mildly, and I\u2019m sure you understand why I delete the apps as quickly as I download them.<\/p>\n

Trans Latinas deserve better in dating, both online and in person, just as all Latinas do. And it begins with our communities dismantling the assumptions it makes and perpetuates about me and my sisters \u2014 and with holding Latino men to a higher standard, one that holds them accountable to the harm they cause and the inner work they need to do.<\/p>\n

\n
\n

\u201cI\u2019m also put in direct contact with cis men who have historically voted my rights away, strip me of my bodily autonomy, and align themselves with hateful ideologies while simultaneously seeking to take advantage of my body for their pleasure.\u201d<\/p>\n

ANGELICA CHRISTINA<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

To be clear, I recognize that cis women have it bad on dating apps, too. Latinas, like all other women, deserve the truest forms of love, compassion, safety, and care from our partners. Our heritage is not a crux, nor a deterrent, nor a fetish inviting men to sexualize our bodies without our consent. Our hair, our bodies, and our skin tones are sacred, representative of the diversity of our Latinidad, and should be treated as such. Yet there\u2019s an added layer of exploitation that trans women are forced to endure \u2014\u00a0and it\u2019s utterly violating.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve sifted through hundreds of messages from complete strangers who feel comfortable enough expressing that they\u2019d like to \u201ctry me for their \u2018first time,\u2019\u201d as if I\u2019m a chemistry set to be experimented with rather than the human being that I am. Forget \u201cHi, how are you?\u201d or \u201cWhat are you up to?\u201d as predictable, if boring, openers. I\u2019ve received messages about lurid fantasies without my consent, and have been repeatedly dehumanized and denied intimacy, and told that my life does not matter if not for what my body can do to satisfy cis men\u2019s desires. The number of unsolicited nudes<\/a> I\u2019ve received truly cannot be counted,\u00a0despite clear warnings in my bio and in messages to not send such photos.\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/figure>\n

It\u2019s a problem the apps are aware of: A new law in the U.K. mandates that dating apps have to block these photos<\/a> and Bumble has published advocacy work <\/a>about such sexual harassment, but am I hopeful that things will change? Not particularly. The LGBTQ-focused dating app Grindr also boasts about the importance of consent<\/a> and highlights the predatory nature of unsolicited nudes<\/a>, yet the app is still rife<\/a> with cis men preying upon users seeking deeper connections than just the physical. I\u2019m often left feeling as though there are no safe spaces for me to seek out a monogamous relationship without the risk of being sexually harassed, which can feel extraordinarily lonely.<\/p>\n

\n
\n

\u201cLatinas, like all other women, deserve the truest forms of love, compassion, safety, and care from our partners. Our heritage is not a crux, nor a deterrent, nor a fetish inviting men to sexualize our bodies without our consent.\u201d<\/p>\n

ANGELICA CHRISTINA<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

And that\u2019s only the latest layer of anti-transness I\u2019ve been subjected to throughout my life, particularly given that I grew up as a hyper-feminine child with a penchant for Disney princess films and pop divas like my idol, Christina Aguilera. Both my Puerto Rican household and the broader neighborhood I grew up in \u2014 a low-income, primarily Black and brown corner of East Harlem in New York City \u2014 prioritized machismo<\/a> over all else. I never felt the safety or permission to embrace my most authentic self, not in my neighborhood, neither in school, and certainly not in my own home. I cried, prayed, begged, and pleaded for acceptance, but, instead, I was met with denial and physical abuse.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the sort of machismo that has historically shamed young Latine men and boys when they express human emotions. The kind that pressures Black and brown boys to be hyper-masculine, hardened, and brimming with toxicity while demanding that women and girls\u00a0 \u201cknow their place.\u201d The kind that expects women to prioritize having children and cooking for the man of the house above all else, fully ignoring the reality that some cisgender women aren\u2019t able to have children<\/a>, and some simply don\u2019t want to.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a stereotype that is as damaging to men as it is to women. Men and boys of color are never given permission to cry, to be soft, to embrace the divine feminine. It\u2019s the sort of harm that informs and impacts the way cis men treat women. It\u2019s the kind of violence that is deadly to both trans and cis women.<\/p>\n

\n
\n

\u201cI\u2019ve received messages about lurid fantasies without my consent, and have been repeatedly dehumanized and denied intimacy, and told that my life does not matter if not for what my body can do to satisfy cis men\u2019s desires.\u201d<\/p>\n

ANGELICA CHRISTINA<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

It\u2019s also, hopefully, on the way out: A survey published by the Pew Research Center in 2024 found<\/a> that 73% of respondents don\u2019t like machismo. They overwhelmingly said that the concept is a bad thing. The intersection of machismo and anti-trans sentiment is less studied, but the overwhelming emphasis that machismo is related to masculinity and gender-based roles is plenty damning. That only one in five people who are aware of machismo and admit to operating among those guidelines is all the proof you need that this isn\u2019t a trait to uphold or celebrate.<\/p>\n

Still, it\u2019s a factor that likely contributed to some of the worst encounters of my life \u2014 of the man who asked me out when I was 17, only to sexually assault me several times. Of the messages I received on early online dating sites like TSDating and Craigslist\u2019s romance section, where my inboxes were inundated with propositions for sex, unsolicited nude photos, and graphic details of what these men wanted to subject to me. Of the dates gone sour, like the man who later admitted to fetishizing my transness and the complete prince who was scared of what other people thought.<\/p>\n

<\/figure>\n

No doubt some of these men are emboldened by the current political climate and U.S. President Donald Trump, a convicted felon<\/a> who was also found liable of sexual abuse<\/a>. No doubt the current administration\u2019s single-minded efforts to demonize and<\/a> criminalize<\/a> trans, nonbinary, gender non-conforming, two-spirit, and other queer human beings only furthers a catastrophe of blatant hatred and violence toward us. (Trump\u2019s re-election campaign spent $222 million on anti-trans ads<\/a> during the 2024 election cycle, which sadly resonated with Americans on all sides.) And no doubt the constant efforts to smear us as \u201cgroomers,\u201d or as the cause of societal moral unraveling is meaningfully and irreparably violent.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n
\n

\u201cWhat I don\u2019t want is a man to instantly degrade me when learning that I\u2019m trans \u2014 an identity that I\u2019m proud of, but one that isn\u2019t an invitation for harassment or abuse.\u201d<\/p>\n

ANGELICA CHRISTINA<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

Add all of this to the fact that, statistically, Black trans women<\/a> and other trans women of color are impacted by violence and murder at staggering rates. We\u2019re brutally targeted on a daily basis by the same cis men and women who oversexualize us, as proven by Pornhub\u2019s 2025 Year in Review: Trans porn was rated the second-most viewed category<\/a> on their website.<\/p>\n

For most of my life, I\u2019ve longed for connection, intimacy, romance, and kindness from potential partners. Far too often, I\u2019ve watched longingly as my friends and chosen family have found love in the most unlikely places, only to feel left behind myself. I\u2019ve dreamed of finding my pr\u00edncipe azul, my ride-or-die guy, my person. I\u2019ve fantasized about what a dream date would look like \u2014 a lovely candlelight dinner paired with a glass of wine and effortless conversation\u00a0 \u2014\u00a0and about traveling to far-off destinations. I\u2019d love nothing more than to have a partner that buys me flowers just because it\u2019s Sunday, and a relationship built on trust and intimacy. I long to be courted, romanced, and perhaps even married someday.<\/p>\n

What I don\u2019t want is a man to instantly degrade me when learning that I\u2019m trans \u2014 an identity that I\u2019m proud of, but one that isn\u2019t an invitation for harassment or abuse. I deserve someone who sees me for more than the oversexualized stigmas and preconceived notions that follow trans women, Latinas, and those of us who live at the intersection like a plague.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n
\n

\u201cEven in my darkest moments, I always come back to the belief that someday, I will find my person. That I will find the kind of love that heals generational wounds, the kind where machismo cannot bloom.\u201d<\/p>\n

ANGELICA CHRISTINA<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n

As an activist and advocate with a platform, my life\u2019s work is rooted in fighting for trans rights. We\u2019re human beings deserving of love, care, and compassion. That extends beyond politics, to community care and romantic relationships. Trans Latinas deserve better in dating, both online and in person. My sisters and I deserve safety and trust. We deserve the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. And it begins with our communities dismantling the false assumptions it makes and perpetuates about us. It requires holding the older generations to account when they make an offhand remark, and challenging the men in our lives when they say bigoted things. We are not anyone\u2019s teachers, therapists, or sex workers. The deeper, inner work of healing and being better men is yours to address and yours alone. We should demand more action from the dating apps, and we need to hold politicians to account for the hate they perpetuate.<\/p>\n

Even in my darkest moments, I always come back to the belief that someday, I will find my person. That I will find the kind of love that heals generational wounds, the kind where machismo cannot bloom.<\/p>\n

Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hearing about your friends\u2019 dating lives can be juicy and exciting, whether you\u2019re a teenager in your first blush of romance or a grown woman reminding your group chat about what they deserve. It can also be heartbreaking, discouraging \u2014 and particularly if you\u2019re a Latina who lives at several intersections of identity \u2014 terrifying.\u00a0…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5060,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5058"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5058"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5058\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5065,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5058\/revisions\/5065"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5060"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5058"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5058"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/baldheadedgirls.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5058"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}